I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
