Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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