just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
