Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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