I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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