she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dicks are not precious.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
