she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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