I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
