Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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