The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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