I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
