Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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