you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
