Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
