walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
