the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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