there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
