I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
