why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
