remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
