so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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