brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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