My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
