Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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