Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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