So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
