come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
