when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
