you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
