I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
