Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
third nipple confirmed
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
