He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
