i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
