So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
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