You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
