Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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