NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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