She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's always time for handjobs
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize