At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
