Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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