I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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