You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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