If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
