well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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