Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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