OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
