My hair reeks of homosexuality.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
