The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
