Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
