just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
