so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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