she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
