tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
