need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
