Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
