...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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