clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
