He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
