So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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