He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
