I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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