Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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