If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
