he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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