this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
