Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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