I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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