What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
