Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
