I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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