I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
