he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
